Why Its Important to Love and Know Yourself as a Military Spouse

Hello beautiful souls,

Today I'm speaking to all the military spouses out there!<3

Y'all are the REAL MVP!

I believe military spouses are pretty underestimated and not recognized enough.

Someone who is not a military spouse (like me a couple years ago) might look at military spouses as just a dependant that receives pretty good medical benefits, job opportunities, and travel!

But what the outside looking in might fail to see is everything that goes on inside an active duty family household.

A lot of stress is coming in and out of the house, time apart from your significant other, constant changes, and responsibilities that still have to be accomplished on a daily basis especially if you have children in the picture.

The first couple of months after I got medically discharged from the military, and then became a military spouse was a difficult transition at the time.
The experience of feeling unworthy, sad, lonely, bored, loss of interests, and dependant on someone was Very real!
I found myself on the couch day in and day out just waiting for my partner to come home.
Some days if we were lucky, it was 1700 (5 pm), other days I'd find myself overly anxious and lonely when it would be past 1800 (6 pm).
When your person wakes up at 4 o'clock in the morning, doesn't come home during lunch, and comes home after 5, you look forward to the weekends. Family days. Though, they always seemed to go by too soon.
Especially if you're not working yourself or are/were struggling with mental health barriers like depression with anxiety etc, as I was, there is really nothing to keep your mind busy and away from the fact that you're in a duty station that might be far from home, with no friends, and no clue of what to do with yourself.

Which brings me to why I wanted to write this article.
I want to be a positive voice for military spouses, shine some light onto you and let you know how amazing and strong, and worthy you already are, on your own, as a person.
So let's just jump right in into what can help you in feeling more of a human being with likes and dislikes, interests and hobbies, and not just a dependant living in the military world.

(Disclaimer: I am not a professional and everything I speak about is from personal experience and what I have found to be helpful, monumental, and life-changing for me and my well-being and mental state. If you are going through mental or physical limitations, please consult with a professional, but ultimately do what feels right and good for you. Much love.)

Self-Love: This alone has changed MY Life!

Have you ever heard of the quote that says "we must learn to love ourselves before we can love another." Well, I am going to go as far as adding that we must not only learn how to but be so in love with who we are as a human and our life's purpose before we can ever step into a relationship or partnership with someone who has their own missions in life.
When you figure out what is important to you, it brings you life, and something to look forward to.
These dreams and goals, hold them tight. Have some boundaries in your relationship/marriage that respects what is important to you and the time you need for yourself to do that. Because at the end of the day you are respecting your spouses need to be gone for the service.
I know this topic can sound very "kumbaya" to some but if you're reading this then please give these tips on how you can love yourself a little more each day, a try.

Love Yourself a Little More Every Day:

1. Go Outside!
- There is nothing better than reconnecting with nature and getting some fresh air (regardless of the season or where you're stationed, beauty is in the eye of the beholder.)
2. Drink Water
- Sometimes we get caught up in what we are doing we forget to drink water. Though this may sound not as important or maybe a lovely reminder, our bodies are made up of about 90% water. I always like to think of the SpongeBob episode when he's in Sandys home and he's like "waaatteerr" lol
It's important ok! We simply do not function well mentally, emotionally, physically without it.
3. Setting Intentions
- I started setting daily intentions when I started my yoga journey around June of 2016. It's just setting the tone for the day. Intending or declaring something for that day. There is power in speaking things into existence.
For example, today's Intention can be, "Look with loving eyes." or it can be one word like, "love", "peace", "joy", "forgiveness".
You want to listen to your intuition for this, do what feels right at the moment, focus on the thing that comes up for you that day.
4. Get Moving
- This is not about "getting fit", this is about getting blood circulation and oxygen in your system. Walking is amazing, yoga.. anything works.
I know that when I was pregnant, depressed, lonely in a 2 bedroom apartment just waiting for my partner to come home, the last thing I wanted to do was get out of bed or off the couch to go "walk".
But remember, self-love is a practice and it takes time for it to become a habit or come naturally but we must first make an effort because we are alive for a reason and things can only get better.

Personal Development: I Am Obsessed with Growth!

I absolutely love to learn new things that make me a better person, can make my life easier, or just informing myself more about topics that interest me.
Like age shows, we are constantly growing. So that means we must constantly be willing to learn as well.
I don't know at what age this happens, but I noticed that after a while people (i am guilty of this too) start saying "I know" to everything.
Someone tries to tell you something and you're like "I know".
But if we can be open to the possibility that maybe we don't know or that maybe we grasp information differently the third, fourth, fifth time around, then maybe we can see it as we are always learning.
And talk about inspiration!! When you know better you do better!

My Top Favorite Ways to Consume Personal Development (PD) are:
1. Podcasts - (fav: Ed Mylett, Earn Your Happy, Mind Your Business, Agape Spiritual, Kwik Brain, The School of Greatness)
2. Books/iBooks - (fav PD books: You Are a Badass, Get Over Your Damn Self, Happy Pocket Full of Money, Think and Grow Rich, The Power of Now)
3. Youtube/Interviews
4. Guided Meditation - (fav app: Insight Timer)

Passion/Mission/Goals/Dreams Desires

Let's be real, we all have some Wild dreams that might scare us or maybe we're even too shy to tell someone about them because the average person would "not understand". But your dreams and goals are the very things you are here to achieve.
This might get a little spiritual but hear me out,
Everything you dream about having, being, doing would not have been placed in your imagination IF it was not possible for you.
On the contrary, Everything is possible and success is yours to take. The mission you have to be a better person for not only yourself but of service or help many others, whatever that looks like for you, is your life's purpose.
See, God, the Universe, Higher Power, whatever you want to call it, would not give you the invitation to those dreams and goals if He/She/It was concerned about your limitations at the moment.
There Will be away, where there was no way! Believe that!

So how do you tap into that when now you're a stay at home mom and don't even remember what hobbies are, or are an unemployed/employed spouse who can only look forward to the weekends at the moment.

Getting Creative and Loving Life Through Your Passion(s):
1. Get some clarity
- Go on a mindful walk, or listen to a guided meditation, or do something that makes you feel grounded and free to think and give your mind some white space. Try writing in a journal!
Ask yourself,
*What is YOUR definition of success?
Think of all categories in your life (career, relationship, health, finance, education...)
*What sets your soul on fire? What is something you can never get tired or rid of?
Think of when you were a child, those hobbies, or now as an adult what brings you peace, what you would want to do on your off time (nature, art, sports, writing, music...)
*What do you stand for?
Think of things you feel strongly about, things you love to talk about, things you want to be apart of or help in some way, morals. (public injustices, awareness, animal help/sanctuaries, travel, culture, luxuries...)

This clarity is giving you a foundation of interests, your passion, goals, what you dream to do or have or be.
When I started looking at the bigger picture it took me out of this "going day by day" life and started living every day the best I can and be so that every decision, conversation, an action I take or do, leads me towards the bigger picture.
The last thing you want to do is have zero goals or desires because that causes you to stay stagnant, to live a Zombie Life, as I like to call it.
When I experienced one of the most down moments during my depression episodes I felt like I was a zombie, I was waking up and going through the motions but I really had no life inside me, nothing I was excited for, nothing I was working towards.
And in my opinion, that is death in life.

So wrapping things up,
I want to remind you, the military and everyone else on the outside that is inexperienced or uneducated on the subject, may see you only as a spouse/dependant, but that is just a small fraction of what you are.
You are worthy of all great things and you have a mind of your own that can dream past the stars!
You are capable and do not need anyone's permission or presence to be great, because you're Great
on your own!
As a military spouse, I have made it one of my missions to be successful in the pursuit of living my dreams, a magnet to wealth, fulfillment in life, and freedom to do and be whoever I want.
I love my Active duty partner, but I love me so much more and yes, I will follow her to the next duty station, but I refuse to leave myself behind again.
Empower and Love Yourself, because at the end of the day you only have yourself to get you to where you want to be in life.

Much love and light beautiful souls

Dream Catchers,

Your Soul Sistah, Tina oxo

I Am Worthy. I Am Love. I Am Abundant. I Am Joy.